Dying patients 'without anyone' have friends at Mission Hospital.
By ERIKA I. RITCHIE
The Orange County Register
Rich Brown sat at his dying sister's bedside, exhausted and
grief-stricken after his father's death 20 days before.
Grasping her frail hand, he spoke softly, hoping she could somehow
give him the strength to find the answer. But her liver was failing,
and she was unconscious. Doctors at Mission Hospital In Mission Viejo
told him there was no chance of recovery.
For 36 hours Brown, 50, kept vigil in the darkened room.
"I didn't want her to die alone," said the Aliso Viejo resident and
father of three young children. "The night nurse told me, 'You need to
go home,' but I wouldn't leave."
Another nurse told Brown about the hospital's new program, No One Dies Alone.
Mission Hospital, part of St. Joseph Health System, put No One Dies
Alone in place in February. St. Joseph Hospital in Orange started its
program last year. The volunteer program, the first of its kind in the
county, provides companionship for dying patients who would otherwise
be alone.
At Mission Hospital, seven patients, including Brown's sister Shari
Sexton, 55, have benefited from the program in three months. Almost
100 hospital staff members and volunteers have signed up to be
companions to the dying.
Volunteer Stephanie Hickey, 50, started the program at Mission.
"We projected it would serve about six patients a year," said the San
Clemente resident. "In the first month we served four."
Hickey said studies have shown that even in death people have some
level of consciousness. "There's nothing more alive than being with
someone who's dying," she said. "Nothing matters but the next breath.
I feel like I'm at heaven's door."
Mostly the program serves people who have outlived friends and
relatives, people from out of town who've been critically injured,
those abandoned by family, some who've alienated themselves and, in
cases like Brown's, people whose family physically cannot stay by
their loved one's bedsides.
Demographics play a role in demand, too. According to the Census
Bureau, about one in four households consists of a person living
alone. Among those 65 and older, the ratio is one in three. Baby
boomers will double the elderly population in the next 30 years.
No One Dies Alone was founded by Sandra Clarke, a nursing supervisor
at Sacred Heart Hospital in Eugene, Ore., in 2001. Her inspiration
came in 1998 when a terminally ill man asked her to sit with him. She
promised she would be back after she checked on other patients. When
she got back 90 minutes later, he was dead.
"I felt guilty, angry and frustrated," said Clarke in a phone call
from Oregon. "I really hadn't done anything wrong, but it was an error
of omission. He just wanted something so simple – companionship."
When Brown finally left his sister's side to get a few hours of sleep,
he felt at peace. No One Dies Alone volunteers took his place.
"This woman came in with books and music," he said. "I didn't feel
like she was a stranger. She hugged me and said, 'I'll take care of
her.' … It takes a special kind of person to do that."
In Sexton's case volunteers rotated every few hours. Brown came back
to the hospital only to be sent home by the nurses again when he was
physically exhausted.
Denise Foster, 51, was the last one to sit with Sexton. She started
volunteering at the hospital three years ago as part of her church's
outreach. Foster's mother died alone.
"I saw the program and said, 'I can do this,' " the Lake Forest
resident said. "I can sit here and hold her hand."
When Foster walked into Sexton's intensive care unit room at about 11
p.m., she was struck by how young she looked.
"She was breathing really loud," Foster said. "I rubbed her arm, held
her hand and read something from Psalms to her from the Bible, and
then I sang under my breath. Her breathing slowed, and she became more
peaceful."
About two hours later her breathing was so labored the bed shook. Then
as Foster took Sexton's hand and prayed softly, she took her last
breath.
"I felt so relieved that I was just present," she said. "I was able to
comfort her in silence by my touch. I sat there for a while afterwards
just thinking about how peaceful she looked."
Brown never met Foster, but he says words can't describe his gratitude.
"I don't know what I would have done without them," he said. "I
physically couldn't stay there anymore. My sister would have died
alone, and I wouldn't have been able to deal with that."
